The Captain Can
by elisabethjj
Summary: Queer Eye is back and more popular than ever, featuring the Fab Five: James 'Bucky' Barnes, food and wine expert; Sam Wilson, fashion expert; Bruce Banner, culture expert; Tony Stark, design expert; and Thor Odinson, grooming expert. The season finale follows the Fab Five to Savannah, where they help retired army captain Steve Rogers get out of his rut and back on the dating scene.
1. Chapter 1

**The Captain Can**

Marvel Cinematic Universe; AU; Queer Eye reimagining; no powers

**Part One**

'Alright, bishes, listen up,' Sam says, reading from his phone screen in the front passenger seat. Bruce is driving today, which means that Tony, Bucky and Thor are squished into the back seat of the, admittedly giant, truck. They're heading to Savannah, for the finale episode of season three. 'This week's hero is a retired army captain and current bar owner, who's has been nominated by his best friend and business partner, Natasha.'

There's the requisite whooping and general excitement from gang, before Sam manages to shush them enough to play Natasha's pre-record. For the sake of the crew filming them, the reality TV breakout stars known as the Fab Five all lean in and pretend to be able to see Sam's phone screen. A sultry redhead appears in close-up, giving the effect that she's recorded her message on her own phone, amateur style.

'I'm nominating Steve,' Natasha's throaty voice comes through the speakers, 'because, honestly? He's definitely one of the best guys I've ever known,' Bucky and Bruce do a weird synchronized coo-ing thing, 'but since he's been back home it's like he's lacking the motivation to get out there and build new connections.'

'Ohhh, but we do like a military man,' Tony says, eyebrows waggling dramatically behind his heavy-rimmed, purple tinted glasses. Thor legit giggles.

'The thing is,' Natasha's voice continues, 'Steve's been through some stuff.' She chews her lip. 'In the army, and in his personal life. And Clint and I—that's my partner—we haven't wanted to push him, but….maybe it's time for a bit of tough love. We just want him to be happy and in a good place, where he can enjoy new experiences and maybe even meet someone special. Instead of being stuck in a rut, with the fashion sense of a ninety-year-old, shunning any kind of self-care and barely leaving the house except for work and grocery runs.'

'Ok, honey,' Sam says, even though Natasha isn't actually speaking to them in real time. 'We hear you. And we got your boy's back. Right guys?'

The raucous chorus of positive affirmation from his co-stars almost deafens him, and Sam grins that sweet, gap-toothed smile that's carried him to TV and Instagram stardom.

'Leave no man behind,' Bruce grins.

'Yass, honey,' Thor bellows, flicking a wavy blond lock of hair over his shoulder. 'Gonna find your inner kween bee and set her free!'

'Captain Rogers,' Bucky leans forward to dazzle the camera with his perfectly lined deep blue eyes. 'We're coming for you.'

:::

'I guess this is where the good Captain works,' Bruce says, as they all pile out of the truck and blink in the sunlight.

'SHIELD, right?' Tony says, pointing to the huge sign on the side of the building, adorned with an arty mural that's focus is a circular red, blue and white shield with a star at its center. 'Looks like the place.'

Bucky grabs Tony's hand and tugs him up the steps.

'C'mon, let's go find Steve.'

Production—led by insanely competent Producer Pepper—goes ahead to set up, so it's actually twenty minutes before Bucky gets to bound to the top of the steps and make it through the doors.

'Whoa,' Tony whistles, looking around and nodding to himself. 'This place is pretty cool.' [DESCRIPTION]

'Thanks,' comes a familiar throaty drawl, and Natasha from the video appears from the other side of the bar.

All five team members trip over themselves in an effort to greet her, and she takes their enthusiasm in stride with good grace and a warm, if slightly wary, grin.

'I'm so glad you guys are here,' she says, while Thor is still half smothering her in a bear hug and Bucky is congratulating her that her lipstick is _flawless_.

'We're glad you called us,' Bruce says, easy and charming as ever. 'What a great bar. So, you own this place with Steve?'

'Yeah,' Natasha shrugs, looking bashful for the first time. 'It was a dream of mine for awhile. Steve got back from overseas and he had a bit of cash at his disposal, and he said he wanted to help me out. I honestly couldn't have done it without him. He's the best business partner and an amazing friend.' She takes a deep breath. 'I just don't think he knows what his own dream is right now, y'know? And I really want him to start caring about that again. I try to set him up on dates, get him to meet new people….It's like he's not remotely interested.'

'Well, we'd love to meet Steve,' Bruce says.

'Yass, take us to the fair Captain,' Thor chimes in. He's looking particularly effervescent today, with his L'Oreal-worthy long blond hair all shiny and loose. His bulging arm muscles are out to play in a thin, cropped tee that's distressed almost to the point of structural failure, and has actual neon green safety pins holding it together down one side.

'Sure, boys,' Natasha drawls, pointing through the back of the bar towards what is presumably the staff-only section of the building. 'He's back there in the office.'

As one slightly manic, very gay horde, they surge through the doorway in search of this week's hero.

They find Steve sitting at a desk in a plain, clean room, head bent over his paperwork. As is the custom on this section of the show, he acts like he had absolutely no idea the Fab Five had arrived yet, but he can't quite disguise his nerves, even as he manages to greet them with a friendly smile.

'Oh God, hi, guys,' Steve says, standing up from the desk, and Bucky doesn't think he's the only one to low-key do a double-take as all six foot two inches of Captain Steven Rogers looms into view. Sure, the man is dressed in atrocious baggy khakis and an ugly, ill-fitting button-down. Sure, his hair looks like he's been cutting it himself, his beard is wildly out of control and he's wearing the least flattering pair of eyeglasses in existence. But, hold up. Underneath all that, this guy is clearly a grade A hottie, just waiting for Sam to coax him into some form-fitting jeans.

Meanwhile, everyone else has introduced themselves and is busy sweetly fawning over their new project in that heartfelt, unabashedly sincere way that's cemented this show's place in the hearts of the nation's reality-TV addicts.

Steve seems to notice Bucky's stare and bring his hand up through his mess of hair, in a self-conscious gesture. He removes his glasses and shoves them on top of a stack of paperwork.

'Um, hi,' he says, reaching out a hand to Bucky, who finally snaps out of his badly-timed crush activation sequence and takes Steve's hand to shake.

'Great to meet you.' He thinks his voice is under control. 'I'm Bucky.'

'Damn boy,' Sam is saying, pushing Bucky out of the way to paw at sagging edge of Steve's oversized collar. 'We have got to get you out of this shirt.' Steve honest-to-God blushes, and it's adorable. 'Don't worry,' Sam says, flashing an easy grin. 'I'm married.'

Sam is, in fact, very married. Really, seriously, the most married person Bucky's ever known. He and Riley were childhood sweethearts or something disgustingly cute like that.

'Uh,' Steve manages. 'Ok.' His cheeks are now the sweetest shade of pink.

Thor, hovering at Steve's left shoulder, is tugging experimentally at the Captain's mop of blond-brown hair.

'This has glorious potential,' he declares, 'but I'm not getting the vibe that this look is expressing your best, most confident self.' He peers intently at Steve's face, like he's trying to look into his soul. 'Fear not,' he says, giving Steve's cheek a light pinch. Bucky cannot even deal with Thor sometimes. 'We'll find you, under there, and we'll rescue you.'

'Ok,' Bruce speaks up, always the one getting things back on track. 'Let's not overwhelm the guy.' He manages to disengage Sam and Thor from Steve's personal space. 'Steve, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?'

'Sure,' Steve says, leaning against the desk. His eyes track Tony, who's picking up every item in the room that isn't screwed down, to stare at it with a critical eye. 'I mean, there's not much to tell. I grew up in Brooklyn, but moved with my ma to Georgia when I was sixteen. Joined the army pretty young. Served three tours overseas and that was enough. I've been back for nearly two years now- Nat and I opened SHIELD nearly one year ago. You know... I'm doing alright. Or,' he rubs a hand over the back of his neck. 'I don't know. I could be better. Some things are difficult, now I'm back, but people have it so much worse off than me, I can't complain.' He looks at the photo frame Tony's manhandling. It's a picture of a blonde woman in her fifties, head thrown back in laughter. 'My ma passed soon after I got home,' he says quietly, with a soft sigh. 'It's been tough. And I guess, aside from that...I don't really known where I fit in anymore. Nat thinks I've become a bit of a hermit...maybe she's right. I know it's time to make some changes.'

'Man,' Bruce says, 'that's a lot for any person to deal with. Thanks for your honesty, Steve. We want you to know that we're here for you, and this week we're going to help you start to unpack some of the things that are maybe holding you back right now.'

'Absolutely, man,' Sam joins in. 'Trust us, there's lots of easy steps we can help you take to get closer to living the life you want. If you're open to it, I know this is going to be a great experience for you.'

'Yeah,' Steve says, nodding slowly. 'I'm going into this with an open mind.' He smiles, holding his hands up. 'Do your worst, I guess.'

'Oh boy, you should never say that to us,' Tony says with a smirk, as the others all echo that sentiment with good-natured laughter and ribbing at each other's expense.

'I want to see where Steve lives,' Bucky finally says, which is a) true and b) the link he's supposed to provide that sets them up to move location. Thor squeals and practically drowns Steve in a giant bear hug, which pretty much takes care of how to close that scene.

:::

Steve lives in a two bedroom apartment in the old warehouse district. It's not the worst they've seen, from the show's heroes. It's fairly, if not squeaky, clean. It's not horribly cluttered. The washing up is even done, bar a couple of mugs resting next to the sink. What it lacks, is any shred of personality.

'Are you sure you actually live here?' Tony has his most skeptical face on, as he moves around the double height loft space that, on the face of it, should actually be pretty trendy. The living spaces are all one open area, with three doors against the far wall that lead to two bedrooms and a bathroom in the middle. The space is amazing, with great light from the top windows and an exposed brick wall at one end. It's just utterly bland. The walls are plain, and devoid of any pictures. The sofas are mismatched, but both massive and dark coloured. There's a coffee table with a few books and a stack of papers. A half-filled book case, a couple of sad looking pot plants and an overhanging lamp are the only other items to be seen.

'Talk me through what's going on here, Steve,' Tony says, as Sam and Thor let themselves into Steve's bedroom to start rifling through his wardrobe and Bucky drags Bruce over to check out the refrigerator. 'Where's all your stuff?'

Steve chuckles.

'I never accumulated too much in the way of stuff, while I was in the army. I guess, since I've been back and got this place, I haven't made too much of an effort to make it homely.' His hand is on the back of his neck again. 'I actually do have a lot still in boxes in the spare room.'

Tony visibly perks up.

'Ok,' he says. 'Let's gloss over the fact that you haven't unpacked for, what, more than a year? Let's take a look at these boxes.'

Fifteen minutes later, Tony is hollering for everyone to come into the spare room. They arrive to find him knee deep in opened packing cases, and looking triumphant.

'Major breakthough,' he announces, 'in finding the real Steve.' He grins at Steve. 'Do you wanna show them what you just showed me?'

There's the requisite 'oooh, eerrrr' from the peanut gallery, and Steve's blushing again by the time he reaches into a large packing crate in the corner of the room. He carefully pulls out what looks like a large watercolour painting, depicting a couple dancing in the rain. It's stunning, by anyone's standards. Of all of them, Tony knows the most about art, and he's looking smug as all get out.

'Wow, that's lovely,' Bruce compliments. 'Is this stuff you've been meaning to put on your walls, Steve?' There's clearly another four or five paintings in the crate.

'Better than that,' Tony practically bursts out. Steve is looking extra squirmy right now, and Bucky suddenly gets it.

'Captain Rogers, did you paint these yourself?' he asks, aiming for an extra sexy drawl, just because.

'Um, yeah, kinda,' Steve says, looking a bit like he ought to be embarrassed or something. 'A long time ago. I haven't really painted—or drawn, or anything really—since I've been back.'

Tony's got another painting out of the case now, and the team's gawping over it and vocalising how impressed they are with their usual exuberance.

'They're really, really good, Steve,' Bucky says, seriously. Steve shoots him a slightly dazed look. Bucky gets it. The five of them are, like, a lot to take, even without the production and camera crew's constant presence and the stop/start of filming that interrupts the natural flow.

'Thank you,' Steve says.

'We have definitely got to find a way to showcase your art on the walls,' Tony says, 'and, let's talk about what you actually want to do with this spare room. Long term storage is not an option. We need to get you unpacked, buddy.'

:::

Tony's redecorating of a whole apartment is going to mean working long days, and possibly nights, all week. Sam's got to shop for a whole new wardrobe for Steve ('No way, baby, these grandad pants are all going straight to the Goodwill. Christ, what is this cardigan? It's not even meant to be ironic, is it? I'm genuinely horrified.') and Bruce has got his work cut out for him as a completely unqualified life coach. Bucky knows that he often gets off easy, overhauling the heroes eating habits, but this time it's the opposite challenge from usual.

'Steve,' Bucky says, affecting his best pout, 'are you a clean eating freak or just really uninterested in food?'

Steve actually rolls his eyes.

'Neither,' he argues. 'Well, maybe the first, a bit. I am interested in food. It's just that keeping myself in good shape, well, I suppose it's been one of the only things in a life since I got back that I've felt is really under control. I exercise a lot and I eat healthy. That's not bad, is it?'

'Ok, pal. There's eating healthy, and then there's eating boring. You, Captain, have a fridge and cupboards entirely devoid of flavor. Are you about to star in a topless action movie I don't know about? Are you on a contractually imposed boiled chicken and green veg diet?'

'What? No!'

'Because, I don't know if you've seen my abs, but I actually still manage to find joy in what I eat. '

Steve's laughing out loud now, apparently entertained by Bucky's ire.

'I guess I could stand to shake things up a bit,' he says, smile warm. Bucky absolutely does not almost drown in those ocean blue eyes. Bucky is a confident, much-admired TV star with a dozen top magazine spreads, modelling campaigns and a thriving Instagram following to his name. He's at his sexy best today, in black skinny jeans, a custom made white tee with 'ice my bun' printed across his chest and a handful of leather bracelets. His eyeliner is on point and his man bun is artful AF. Bucky will not crush out on a dude who thinks it's acceptable to wear khakis and boil chicken. No, sir.

'Let's go food shopping,' he says, shutting the fridge door a bit too viciously. 'I'm going to introduce you to the spice and herbs aisle.'

:::

'So, let's talk about the important people in your life,' Bruce says. They're back at Steve's apartment, after what was probably a very stressful morning for Steve: clothes shopping with Sam. Sam's possibly one of the nicest guys ever to exist, but man is he a demon when he's forcing you to embrace your most fashionable self. Bruce seems mild-mannered, but clearly he likes to attack when his prey is weak.

'Uh, sure.' Steve settles back onto his ugly sofa.

'Because I want to get to know the real Steve, man, and what better way to start.' Bruce is rocking a fitted blue shirt with the sleeves casually rolled up, and flashing quite a bit of chest hair along with the quirky man necklaces he brought home from a recent trip to Botswana. He's hot, but not, like, in a way that you think about too much until you suddenly realise you've spent three hours unburdening the secrets of your soul as you gaze in those chocolatey brown eyes. Steve doesn't know what he's in for.

'Well, you know Nat and Clint are my closest friends.' Bruce nods, encouraging Steve to continue. 'You've not met Clint, but he's a great guy. Those two are like family to me. Them and Wanda. She's Nat's cousin and she works at the bar. I, uh, I haven't got any _actual _family left, since Ma passed. Only child. I never knew my da—he died when I was real young.' Steve's holding it together, even though his eyes are getting a bit watery.

'So,' Bruce says, gently. 'I'm thinking that between the culture shock of being thrust back into civilian life and the emotional upheaval of your mother's passing, you've not had a lot of energy to dedicate to looking after Steve.' He pauses a moment to let that sink in. 'Am I way off base there?'

'No,' Steve admits, chewing his lip as he thinks it over. 'Burying Ma. Getting this apartment. Getting SHIELD off the ground so Nat and I have a steady income. That's been about as much as I've been able to manage.'

'And, Steve, that's been enough,' Bruce is quick to point out. 'Plenty wouldn't have been able to keep it together the way you've done. I'm not criticizing. Hell, I'm in awe of your strength. All joking aside, all this hassle from your friends—you know they just love you, man. The only reason we're here—the only reason Tony's customizing storage furniture right now and Bucky's scouring his recipes books for tasty ways to consume broccoli—is because everyone can see that you deserve to finally get back on the path to happiness. Whatever that's gonna look like for you, from now on.'

'Yeah. I know…I know it's time to pull myself together,' Steve says. 'I didn't used to be this closed off from people.' He glances up the ceiling, and all bets are off as to how many TV viewers around the country will be sobbing into their wine glasses when this episode airs. 'I lost some close friends on my last tour,' Steve admits. 'Really good guys. I can't go into detail, but it was pretty awful. I think that I've been scared to seek out new friendships since then, let alone anything romantic.'

Bruce nods, as if traumatized veterans are totally something he deals with on a daily basis. With Bruce, you never really know.

'Understandable. When was your last relationship, if you don't mind me asking?'

Steve huffs out a breath.

'You're going to judge me,' he says, forcing a small grin. 'This is why Nat rides me so hard about getting out on dates. I haven't dated anyone seriously since my girlfriend before I joined the army. Basically, my high school girlfriend. I mean, there was this amazing British officer I met while we were both posted in the Middle East. Peggy, her name was. If things were different, I think maybe we could have had something special. But…it was one of those things that just never quite happened, for a million different reasons, y'know? The timing was never right.'

'Sure,' Bruce says. 'I actually do get that. Timing's important. I mean, my boyfriend and I knew each other for a long time before anything romantic happened between us. This sounds really dramatic, but Phil was actually presumed dead for a few days after he got caught up in some local conflict in Columbia—he travels a lot for business. And it was only when I found out he was alive that I realized how damn happy I was to still have the opportunity to ask him on a date. And, ok, don't get me started on Tony and his partner,' Bruce chuckles. 'They actually hated enough other when they first met. I'm not breaking any confidences—Tony talks about this all the time. Loki's also a very talented designer—they had a doozy of a bust up at a conference in New York one summer, before they realized they could basically take over the world if they teamed up instead of fighting.'

Steve looks interested.

'I'm just saying,' Bruce shrugs. 'Deciding to let another person into your life, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to them—it can be messy, and complicated.'

'What about Bucky?' Steve asks.

'Ah, Bucky's a single pringle,' Bruce says with a grin. 'Ain't no-one come along so far special enough to catch that beautiful butterfly.' He grabs a glass of water from the coffee table and takes the opportunity to drive the conversation home. 'So what do you think, Steve? Are you ready to let some new people into your life?'

'Yeah, I'm ready to try,' Steve says, and Bruce looks super pleased. Also a tiny bit smug.

'That's good to hear, man, because next Saturday night, you and Nat are gonna be throwing a party to celebrate SHIELD's first anniversary, and your friends are inviting a whole lot of new people for you to meet.'

Steve mock-groans and throws his hands over his eyes, rolling back into the sofa cushions.

'Fair warning,' Bruce adds. 'There will be attractive single women not-so-subtly flung in your direction.'

'Any single men?' Steve manages to uncover his face and stomach-crunch his way upright. 'Because I'm equally interested in both. I mean, I'm bisexual.'

'Oh, cool,' Bruce nods, finishing his water. 'Yeah, dude, Nat should get Bucky and Thor on the case. Pretty sure that between the two of them they have the number of every hot single guy in Georgia, who's ever even thought of sleeping with men, in their phone contacts.'


	2. Chapter 2

**The Captain Can**

Marvel Cinematic Universe; AU; Queer Eye reimagining; no powers

**Part Two**

'So, Steve,' Bucky says, leaning casually against the worktop in a way that he knows accentuates his toned arms, barely covered in his cap-sleeved tee that proclaims he's "waiting for Friday". 'On a scale of one to nervous-breakdown, how worried are you about what Tony's doing to your apartment right now?'

They're in the kitchen of a restaurant in the downtown area, where the chef is a friend of Bucky's sister. Steve hasn't been allowed back in his home since Tony's team started in on the transformation, so they're filming this segment out and about. Bucky's cool with it—a bit of variety is nice.

As Steve answers, he carefully mixes the sweet peppers, green onion and cilantro into the sliced cabbage and carrot mix, glancing up at Bucky to check he's doing ok.

'Well,' Steve says, chuckling ruefully, 'I don't think he could make it any worse. I mean, you saw it. It's pretty, uh, bland.'

Bucky grins and reaches over to dip a finger into the spicy sesame ginger dressing he'd talked Steve through making. 'Bland. As in, the opposite of what this slaw is going to be.' He brings his finger his mouth, and absolutely does not give himself a mental hi-five when Steve's eyes track the way his tongue nips out to capture the burst of flavor. He definitely doesn't linger a touch longer than is necessary, or give an exaggerated moan of pleasure at the taste. Steve's eyes flicker up to meet his, a faint blush on his cheeks, and Bucky doesn't think he's imagining the charged moment between them. Steve's turned out to be a blast to spend time with this week, not to mention an absolute gentleman, and Bucky suddenly feels like a bit of a heel for teasing him like this. In front of, you know, the global Netflix-watching population.

He clears his throat, suddenly conscious of the cameras that are capturing every moment of their interaction. Bucky dredges up his inner professional and relaxes back into his show-persona: friendly and fun, but with the flirtation dialed back down to something less mortifying.

'So, I think we're about ready to let the slaw marinate in the dressing, while I show your how to make the best damn soy and lime tuna you've ever had in your mouth.' Fuck, why does everything he says sound like a come-on? Buck widens his grin and styles it out. 'Seriously, you'll want to keep this recipe on hand for when you have a special someone over for dinner to your fancy new apartment. It's tasty, bursting with fragrance, and light enough to be great first date food.'

'No pressure then,' Steve says, rolling his eyes.

'Relax.' Bucky goes to grab the tuna from the industrial fridge unit across the kitchen. 'You're in safe hands. I'm a professional.'

'Professional dater?' Steve throws back at him, and then immediately blushes cherry red as Bucky bursts into laughter. 'Uh, that's not what I meant.'

'I assure you, Captain Rogers, I'm not that kind of girl.' Bucky flutters his eyelashes, still chuckling, as Steve gives him an exasperated stare. Bucky hesitates, as he lines the ingredients up on the counter. 'But, for real. Steve. Food is a social thing, romantic or otherwise. Having a few go-to meals that you feel comfortable enough to prepare, that suit your healthy lifestyle and that you know well enough to whip up when you have company? That's a no-brainer. This is an easy way to help you feel more confident entertaining at home.'

He flashes a dazzling smile to lighten the mood, adjusting the red and white paisley bandana that's keeping his hair off his face.

'And nine times out of ten it will totally get you laid.'

'Just pass me the damn tuna,' Steve says, shaking his head. 'What are we doing with this, then?'

:::

Steve doesn't see Bucky on the next day of filming. Instead, he spends it with Bruce and Sam, doing some confidence building exercises aimed at getting him more comfortable spending time around new people again. This translates to volunteering at a local community art project, at a communal garden in one the least privileged parts of the city.

The project team is led by a doe-eyed, red-lipped firecracker called Darcy, who is quickly revealed to be bright, creative and completely without a brain-to-mouth filter. She flirts shamelessly with everyone, but Steve notices how kind she is—in her own, no-nonsense way—with the more reticent among the volunteers. The dichotomy of brash and gentle reminds him a little of his own mother. The thought is bittersweet.

Steve gets allocated a section of the garden and before he knows it he's discussing the potential for a collaborative wall mural with fellow volunteers Peter, Carol and Erik. Carol turns out to be a fellow vet, and they spend a little time sharing their respective homecoming experiences, while sweeping broad, colorful strokes across their shared canvass.

Bruce and Sam have strategically given Steve some space to connect with the other volunteers, though they are close by, being bossed around by Darcy as they help repurpose an old stone statue.

'Seemed like you hit it off with Carol?' Sam says, when they've packed up for the day and said goodbye to everyone.

Steve smiles.

'Yeah. Well, they were all great. That Peter kid is a hoot. I swear, he's some kind of engineering genius but he can barely tie his own shoelaces' He shakes his head, chuckling. 'Great sense of community spirit though, in a guy that age.'

'Sure is,' Bruce agrees. He shares a glance with Sam, then knocks shoulders against Steve. 'And don't think we didn't clock you making plans to meet Carol for coffee, either.'

'That's real good news, man,' Sam says, clapping him on the other shoulder.

'Well,' Steve pauses, gathering his thoughts. 'I think we have some things in common, and she was easy to talk to. I don't want to give you the wrong impression—it's not a date. Carol's been with her partner for years and, in any case, I don't think we have that kind of connection. Maybe hanging out with someone who's successfully transitioned to civilian life will be good for me, though?'

'Hey, no such thing as too many friends, man,' Bruce says.

'Proud of you,' Sam adds, flashing a toothy smile. 'How did it feel to do something new, with new people? With your art again.'

Steve exhales.

'I think it was long overdue,' he says.

:::

'Can you believe?' Thor squeals, looking intensely satisfied with his work, as well he should. Thor is a super intelligent man and one of the purest souls Bucky has ever had the good fortune to meet—he's also a badass hairstylist and groomer. It's not like anyone was laboring under the misapprehension that Steve was anything less than gorgeous, underneath his grandad clothes and mountain man self-care choices. Still, the full force of Steve's glorious beauty that has now been revealed is, uh, it's a lot. Bucky is trying, like, really hard to keep his game face on, and to only look a normal amount of happy to have his suspicions confirmed that Steve is a total snack. Damn, he's the whole buffet.

Currently, he also looks like he's going to die of embarrassment, but Bucky can tell he's trying to tough it out. Thor's cut Steve's shaggy head of hair, leaving the top just enough length to style it casually back off his face and keeping it tight and neat at the back. His beard has been trimmed and groomed to within an inch of its life, now short enough to accentuate the strong line of Steve's jaw. It looks soft to the touch and this is the first time Bucky has ever been jealous of Thor's hands but they have _touched that beard and even now they are touching that beard _as he pampers Steve in front of the salon mirror.

'O Captain, my Captain!' Thor fans himself dramatically. 'Steve, you're giving me sexy bitch realness. You're giving me as-God-is-my-witness-I'll-never-be-hungry-again!' There's really no stopping him once he lets Scarlett loose. Thor's sincere joy at having turned Steve's hotness factor up to a brain-melting ten is utterly infectious. Bucky, who was only drafted into this reaction segment because, well, probably because Producer Pepper is quietly enjoying his Obvious and Embarrassing Captain-sized Crush, finds himself drawn into the madness. 'I'm shook. Bucky, are you shook?'

'Yeah,' Bucky nods, biting his lip and trying to pull his everlovin' shit together. 'Wow, great job. With the hair and. With. Y'know, the beard there.' Jesus Christ, was that even a sentence? He exhales a long breath and prays that Pepper's kind enough to cut that from the final edit.

'You really like it, Buck?' Steve's looking up at him anxiously, from under his eyelashes, and Bucky gets with the program enough to put his crush on the back burner and do his damn job. Steve is clearly feeling a bit overwhelmed and he's here to help him, not perv on the guy like a total creeper.

Bucky drags out his warmest, most heartfelt smile.

'Dude, you look amazing,' he compliments, and watches Steve's face light up at the affirmation. 'You've unleashed this handsome, confident man who isn't afraid to go after what he wants in life. The shorter beard shows your face off, rather than hiding it. I mean, how do you feel, pal? Cos' you look like a million bucks.'

Steve turns back to the mirror and smiles, while Bucky quietly tries not to expire from how handsome the man is.

'I feel more like the real me than I have done since, maybe, before the army,' he decides. He turns that earnest gaze on Thor. 'I can't thank you enough, Thor, for putting up with all my nonsense today and being so gentle with me.'

'You are so welcome, honey,' Thor says, getting teary eyed for about the eighteenth time this season because he genuinely and deeply cares about making other people happy. Then he drapes his humungous form over a nearby fainting couch, one arm slung over his eyes. 'She's gonna need a nap, now!' he declares.

Steve raises an eyebrow at Bucky, who just shrugs, then flings himself on top of his friend and cast-mate, making Thor giggle and rolling them both to the floor in a tangle of limbs.

:::

Steve cries when he sees the chic, welcoming, stylishly masculine home that Tony's transformed his once-barren apartment into. Not red-faced snotty blubbing, like Bucky had done on the season premiere with the guy who'd reunited with his estranged son. Oh no. Steve's blue eyes just kind of well up with beautiful emotion, his whole face shines with gratitude, and then he cries a Single Perfect Man Tear like he's been taking pointers from Jensen Ackles himself.

The pièce de résistance is the spare room, where Steve had stored and failed to unpack his life before this week. All his moving boxes have been cleared out, and the oversized space does now serve as a functioning guest room. That's not its primary function, though. The area in front of the picture window is where Tony's worked his magic, using creative custom storage units and an instinctive understanding of light and space to make Steve a small, but perfect, art studio.

'Yes, well, none of that,' Tony says, gruff and obviously pleased, when Steve tries to thank him. 'I know, I'm a genius. What did you expect?'

'Are you going to use it?' Bruce asks, smiling at Steve. 'Get back to creating art again?'

Steve's running his hands over the easel, and all the art supplies Tony's had the cupboards and drawers stocked with. He looks overwhelmed, and still a little wibbly around the bottom lip. Bucky absolutely does not consider what it would be like to bite that lip. Jesus Christ, he doesn't, ok?

'Definitely,' Steve manages to say. 'This is unbelievable. It's perfect. I can't wait to spend some time drawing and painting in here. Tony, this really means such a lot to me.'

'Pleasure's all mine, Cap,' Tony says. He's always pleased when he's been able to apply his considerable skillset to making someone's home that bit more functional, comfortable and special. Of course, he's Tony Stark, so he can't just say that. 'I hope your new pad is the scene of many a debauched party, in my honor.'

Sam intervenes, champing at the bit to get on with the next segment, which is the fashion show. Steve's going to finally shed the baggy khakis and ill-fitting cardigan and show them a few of his new Sam-approved outfits.

'Painting and parties are gonna to have to wait, Steve. The only masterpiece we're about to showcase this afternoon is your shoulder-to-waist ratio.'

Predictably, Steve blushes, while Bucky idly wonders if this is going to be how he dies.

:::

It nearly is.

First, Sam (who clearly hates Bucky and is trying to torture him, slowly and sadistically, to an untimely death) has Steve do the living-room catwalk in casual wear. This translates to formfitting dark wash jeans, paired with brown boots and a mid-grey sweater that clings distractingly to every single one of Captain Roger's muscles. Bucky's mouth may actually be watering, and it's honestly the biggest relief when Sam gets Steve to put his new lightweight blue zipped jacket over the top.

'Work it, work it!' Tony catcalls, while Bruce wolfwhistles.

'YOU LOOK SHAMAZING!' Thor is actually speaking in capslock now, not that Bucky can blame him. Steve is actively contributing to global warming, he's so blisteringly hot. 'An officer and a GENTLEMAN!'

'Oh gosh,' the man in question says through a blush that disappears down into the neckline of that damn sweater. 'Thanks guys.' He looks at Sam somewhat imploringly, but Sam's too busy gloating over the incredibly attractive fruits of his labour to throw Steve a lifeline.

Bucky would help, he really would, if all his concentration wasn't currently required to prevent him popping a boner on goddamn camera. He forces a smile on his face and tries not to look like the giant pervert he is. He wants to eat Steve up. He wants to… No. Bucky is a professional. He's going to get through this without committing any acts of sexual predation.

'Looks great, Steve,' he says, trying for a grin that's more 'so great to see you healthy and happy' and less 'fantasising about biting your inner thighs'.

Those summer sea blue eyes flicker over to him, and Bucky can't help but smile at the quite pride Steve is radiating.

'How do you feel?' Sam is asking. 'Believe me yet about the closer fitting jeans?'

'Ok, buddy, you win,' Steve laughs, as unable to resist Sam's easygoing, genuine warmth as everyone always is. 'I feel pretty good in these.'

'This is really working for you,' Sam says. 'It's age appropriate, casual but not at all scruffy. That color boot can be worn with nearly all of your casual pants. The stone colors all work well together, you can mix and match. It's laid back, but it's chic. These are the clothes of a guy who takes care of himself, and that's an attractive thing.'

'It's…it feels comfy. I can definitely see myself wearing this.'

Bucky quietly sends a prayer up on behalf of whoever else is going to have to endure Steve in that sweater. What was Sam thinking? No man should be given this power.

Then, it gets worse.

'Time for outfit number two,' Sam says, dragging Steve away by the arm.

There's a break, in which Bucky downs two glasses of cold water and gives himself a stern, silent, talking to. Producer Pepper smiles at him, serene but somehow knowing, as he takes his place back on Steve's new cornergroup. She is so onto him. He flips her the bird and she grins even wider, whispering something to Happy, one of the team's longest standing camera guys.

Filming recommences.

'Brace yourselves, boys,' Sam says, reappearing in the living room with a shit-eating grin. 'You are about to be _bowled over_.'

He stands aside to let Steve through, showing off the next outfit and… Okay. Bucky isn't going to make it. Game over. Stick a fork in him and serve him up to Producer Pepper on a plate, he's done. Everyone else wins and Bucky loses.

Steve in a suit is, hands down, the most handsome man Bucky has ever seen. Forget sexy. He's what Bucky's ma used to call _dreamy_. He's mesmerizing.

'Wow,' someone says loudly, heartfelt and too raw. It takes Bucky a moment to realise it was him. He's kind of aware of the guys laughing at him, of Sam running commentary, but all he can focus on is how Steve is looking at him, an almost shocked, but pleased, expression on his face.

Sam 'The Devil' Wilson has dressed Steve in fitted cobalt blue suit with black lapels, over an open-collared crisp, white shirt.

'You could dress this up with a bowtie for really formal occasions,' Sam says, 'or keep it more relaxed for a party. Either way, it's a masculine, but playful, kind of vibe. Not too stuffy. Stylish, refined, versatile.'

'Is this what you're wearing for the party tomorrow?' Bruce asks.

'No,' Steve says, 'it'd be too formal for SHIELD. But. Uh, Sam said every guy needs a decent suit in his closet.'

'Yes, my man,' Sam says.

'Agreed,' Bruce says.

Everyone is smiling and this is always the happy, feel-good section of the show when everything starts coming together for the hero, but Bucky's never felt this conflicted.

Because it's not just how insanely good Steve looks in that suit. It's his goofy sense of humor and his awkward flirting in the kitchen. It's the thoughtfulness with which he considers Bruce's probing questions, before he answers them with honesty. It's the bravery he's shown in taking on every challenge they've thrown at him this week, setting his nerves aside to bring an open mind to all that they've wanted to share with him.

Bucky is totally gone for Steve, and he's suddenly terrified of what happens at the end of the party tomorrow, when the cameras stop rolling and the Fab Five's time here is done.


End file.
